I am less than a month out from being 29 years old and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
Well. I do, but I don’t.
I want to be the wife and mom that God has created me to be. (The wife part has started, the mom part is a ways out).
I want to love learning and I want to share that love with others in the form of teaching.
I want to love Jesus more and more each day, and each day become more and more like him.
I want to be a good friend to the people God has placed in my life.
I want to write.
I want to share through writing and speaking what God is doing in my life, what he is teaching me, and how I’m finding my way through all of that.
But professionally? Educationally? I’ve been feeling a little adrift lately.
I’ve worked at the same company for almost four and a half years. During that time I’ve held a few different positions, but all of them leave me feeling like, “This is nice, but it wasn’t what I was created to do.”
I have a B.A. in Sign Language Studies with a concentration in Interpreting. I worked in the field for about a year and realized while I loved the language, I hated interpreting. It was not for me.
So I went back to school. And I have an M.A. in Written Communication with an emphasis in Teaching Writing. But something wasn’t quite clicking there either.
And I’m considering going back to school, but I don’t want to spend that much money when I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I feel like I’m in this season where God keeps saying, “Be patient. It’s not quite time yet.”
Can I be honest? I kinda hate it.
I don’t want to be patient; I want to feel like I’m doing what I was created to do.
But then God reminds me. He reminds me that his ways are not my ways, but his stories are the best stories.
He reminds me of the perfect timing he used to bring my husband into my life and how I wouldn’t change a thing from all the previous hurts and the long wait because He writes beautiful stories.
He reminds me that he always uses an experience. Those educational opportunities, the jobs I’ve liked and not liked, the waiting, all have a purpose. I may not understand the purpose for years to come, but God doesn’t waste experiences and hurts and trials. He uses and redeems it all.
He reminds me that he’s preparing me in ways that I may not fully understand and that all I have to do right now is keep taking the next step. Even when I’d rather be sprinting towards that feeling of doing what I was created to do, I just need to take a step.
Guys. I want God to write this story. It’s going to turn out way better if he does. But it’s HARD. And I definitely have my days of wanting to just throw in the towel and give up on the place God has me right now. But his stories are the BEST stories.
So I’m going to keep taking those next steps: writing on this blog, being in a community of writers to continue developing that part of who I am, continue praying, take opportunities to develop new skills that God is prompting me to develop, and be obedient… even when it’s hard.
And waiting on that next degree until the reason I want it is more than getting to wear a poofy hat at graduation.